ok, 1st of all, i admit it, it was my own fault susah sangat nak catch up during practice. yep, i was so slow, nope, too slow. i oso dunno why and how i can be that slow, seriously mcm orang bodoh. 1st day practice, everyone da oready practice about almost 1 week la. da tau steps for 2 dances. n aku n my other friend baru join in. beza nye antara me n my friend is, my friend is a fast learner, coz she is a dancer and da selalu dance, so memang la dia lebih cepat tangkap step. me, im not rlly fast learner. i need people to teach me. tapi, since masa da suntuk, aku disuruh untuk copy step orang. masalah nye, yg sorang ni tunjuk step lain, sorang lagi tunjuk step lain. plus since i am a bit short, i had to be in front, so seriously couldn't see if i actually made a mistake, salah step. i just do what people showed me. and so, since the time pun da singkat, pressure pun da tinggi, the cikgu were like so mad at me. and aku cam blur, "apesal pulak salah? tadi budak ni suruh buat step macam tu. sekarang lain pulak?" and my friend pulak, kata that my step is wrong, when i seriously swear that that was seriously what we had been told before. ok, aku x kisah.
but after day 2, aku da start rasa x senang hati. 1st, aku x sure the right way to do a step (aku bukan fast learner or professional dancer). x de sape nak ajar, ajar 1 2 steps, pastu semua sibuk nak sharpen kan step dorang. itu aku memang faham. cikgu pun sibuk nak fikir koreo utk lagu lain, and again, aku disuruh utk copy, copy and copy. bila aku salah step, aku diteriak macam ape entah. day 2 kurang sikit cacian nye, tapi after day 3, aku rasa nak quit je. cikgu tu, used to be someone i respect sebab dia memang pandai menari. tapi aku tak boleh terima bila dia marah aku dengan cara yang m'hina. hello.. it's not like aku ni manja or what sampai tak boleh kena marah. aku dulu pun selalu je kena marah kat seseorang sebab salah or lupa step, tapi dia tak pernah hina aku macam yg orang tu buat. kemarahan dia adalah kemarahan yg push kite kepada kebaikan. tapi orang tu, just tau hina aku je. i was like, so stress out, and aku t'fikir, "yeah yeah.. melambak je orang yg lebih superb, awesome talented kat dlm kolej ni kan? x de sebab untuk aku berada kat sini. kenapa aku t'hegeh2 nak dok sini? aku nak quit!" but then, bila t'ingat kat kolej, and kat kawan aku yang m'ajak aku ke situ, aku rase b'salah pulak. and, WTF? dancing is something i like to do, and now i'm quiting? and masa tu memang battle with emotion betul that i ended up crying during practice. and maybe orang lain pulak yg terasa kan...haha..
but, like things gonna be ok. i never enjoyed the songs actually. my focus was like, if i can't do this, i'll be scolded like a 5 years old stupid child. and oleh sebab itu, aku pun gagal nak follow every step dengan jaya nye, coz i couldn't 'copy' it with all my heart. and so, aku pun dimarahi dan diteriak setiap hari... what a wonderful days!!
hari p'sembahan.. before that, i oready told people, yang aku keluar arah lain, and then have to enter balik dari arah lain. i oready pointed that out. but everyone was like, " tak pe, kan ade props belakang tu. lalu je la belakang props". i waited for the rehearsal so that i can know how to get out and get in back, tapi props, smpai a few minutes before event start pun belum completely complete. and waktu tu, aku b'serah je kat Tuhan, x tau la ape jadi malam tu without any rehearsal with the props.
and so malam tu, seriously aku x de perasaan langsung. x de rase nervous ke, takut ke, nothing! as if my amygdala has been taken away. bila turn aku, aku just menari je. then, tadaa!!! part keluarkan bendera pun smpai.. sepatut nye, lepas je aku keluar dari side belah kiri, aku kena grab bendera, konon2 nye lari ke belakang props dan muncul semula dari arah kanan smbil m'bawa bendera biru itu. during that nite... yup, i grab the flag. other people oready in their position yg cuma sekangkang kera dari tmpat dorg keluar. and aku? aku kena pegi the other side. the other side? WTF?? belakang props penuh dgn budak2 props yg seramai 6-7 orang tu, b'sesak2 kat belakang props, langsung x de ruang untuk aku jalan. dalam mase yang singkat tu, otak aku b'fikir, "if only aku step budak2 lelaki ni... 1st possibility, aku mungkin akan t'jatuh. 2nd, if only aku b'jaya, msti akan ambil masa yg sgt lama sebab i had to trudge into the hills of human."
and so, otak aku mengarah kan aku utk, pegi cari jalan kat depan props, which was a very bad idea sebab props kitorang yang gah tu sebenarnye m'punyai kelopak yang sangat besar dan took up half of the stage (later i learned that fido kena hentam kat kelopak t'sebut masa kelopak itu diturunkan. hooray kepada ke-tak-sempat-siapan-untuk-habiskan-props-smpai-x-sempat-nak-buat-rehearsal). yep, kelopak so big, cannot walk through it. di kala itu, fido yang t'cengang2 kat tepi kelopak sempat b'tanya kat aku, "macam mana ni? aku kena pegi tengah2 sana. kelopak ni besar sangat, camne nak jalan??" dan aku sempat m'jawab, "x pe. awak tunggu sini. duduk sini, kibarkan bendera".
fido x pe la, dia just kena dok tengah2 je. so x cacat pun kalau dia x dapat kibarkan bendera kat tengah. yang aku? nak ke belakang props dan pijak budak2 props da x sempat. so otak aku yg genius ni menyuruh aku dengan selamba nye menyelit between dancers utk pegi to the other side. brilliant kan? brilliant sangat2 smpai ianya jadi isu besar yang sampai sekarang x dilupakan lagi. nice..
just aku nak cakap, don't simply marah orang kalau x tau what actually going on up there. stage is not that big, props is big, there r lots of people at the back of the props sebab nak handle kelopak tu. smpai sekarang aku rase, maybe aku memang patut pijak je budak2 props tu. haisy..aku still x bole bla, time post mortem dulu pun aku kena hentam pasal bendera tu.
but, ugghh...habis je event t'sebut, aku menangis sepuas2 hati, bukan sebab happy menang, tapi sebab akhirnye x payah lagi jumpa and kena cerca kat orang itu lagi. so un-professional. but, yeah, u r always great, but i couldn't respect u like i used to do before. sayonara, with pleasure.. =)
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